Life in Words

This month has been so hard for so many people I love, and my arms are not big enough or strong enough to wrap around them all.  Most days I am not even strong enough to hold myself up. 

It's going to be a long week.

Cannot believe I am almost done with my first year of teaching.

So.  So.  Tired.

I almost created a new journal, today, but then remembered I already have one.

Maybe I should write in here, some time.

I guess this isn't really a journal as much as it is a post of scrambled thoughts.  But here goes.

I don't believe in New Year's resolutions, but I do believe in goals.  I posted on Facebook the other day that my goal was to work towards being the person I want to be instead of the person I am.  People seemed to feel that this was depressing or somehow sad, but what could be more depressing than being stagnant?  Who doesn't want to grow?  I want to feel beautiful (which, you will note, is different from being beautiful) and surround myself with beautiful things and wonderful people.  I want to have an organized house (which will require getting to a house in the first place, which I guess is a whole 'nother can of worms).  I want to be the type of person who folds laundry right out of the dryer.  I want to power up Wii Fit and have the cartoon balance board tell me I am normal instead of overweight.  I need to reconnect with the friends who made me feel like I actually have friends.  I need to make boundaries so that my two modes do not consist of "school" and "avoiding school."  Surely there is a third mode called "living," or maybe even "enjoying the fruits of your labor"?  I want to make full use of my Disney seasonal pass.  It's fun going on my own, but I wish people would go with me.  I want to play board games with four people instead of two.  Or one.   I have had a pitiful habit since childhood of dragging out multiplayer games and attempting to play them alone.  I haven't ever decided if setting out four players and moving from seat to seat was imaginative or sad, but I do know that that kid is still in my heart.

This all sounds very sad, I guess, but really it's some mix of "hopeful," "determined," "resolute," and "at peace." 

C'mon in, 2010.

My writing muscles are in the same condition the rest of my muscles are: atrophied.

Will be trying to update more in the coming days.

The recent days have consisted of:
-teaching
-Heroes
-avoiding things for class by watching Heroes
-brief sojourn in south Georgia
-having my head exploded by Detective Comics #853
-eating cookies, which led to
-gaining weight
-procrastinating on assignments required for graduation

School is good but exhausting.

Right now I would like to curl up with Vince in a nice bed at a beach house, with the waves crashing nearby and Neil Gaiman reading us bedtime stories.

Exhausted.  School amazing and yet very tiring.  Wanted to post to mention that I have thoroughly enjoyed the movie nights we've been having with Russ and Toivo.  Our first pick was Casblanca, which I had seen before but never really watched.  For this week, I picked the 1938 Errol Flynn movie The Adventures of Robin Hood, which was quite simply made of awesome.  Not sure what to do for next time, though we're thinking maybe something like 1963's Jason and the Argonauts or 1958's The 7th Voyage of Sinbad.

I'm a little tired so I can't finish this analogy correctly, but Flynn's Robin Hood was like... one part Chuck Norris, and two parts campy badass. 

Also, Mr. Empanada is awesome.

-Tired.
-Overwhelmed.
-Annoyed that my gallbladder decided to revolt at such an inopportune time, putting me two weeks behind and so two weeks at a disadvantage..
-Afraid of so-called real life.
-Missing my husband.

Oh yeah -- and hating the Americal literary canon.

Today, one of my classes was watching a portion of the 1968 Romeo and Juliet. Towards the middle of the movie, there is a scene with Romeo and Juliet in bed the morning after their wedding night. Because of school rules, we had to do our best to censor the nudity. Romeo's butt was covered by a piece of paper over the projector, as were Juliet's breasts.
My cooperating teacher thought the nudity was over and started to walk away. Juliet made a sudden move and her breasts flashed the screen for maybe a nanosecond.
Suddenly, I had a room full of adolescent boys screaming and whooping, including a young gentleman who chose to yell "I SAW THEM TITTIES!" over and over again at the top of his lungs.

it would say things to the effect of:

-Having my gallbladder removed tomorrow.  Yuck.
-Had my gallbladder removed just in time before it became necrotic and potentially lethal.  Hooray!
-Recovering after having my gallbladder removed yesterday.  Amused to report that the surgeon said it was the "size of a uterus."
-I was dreaming about beef stroganoff the other day, and now I have been served beef stroganoff and it is probably the last thing in the world I would ever want to eat.
-Have been told to lay off high fat content food such as ice cream for the next month or so.  Nooooo!

in the fashion of the type of writing I used to do in the old days.  The fact of the matter is that I simply don't write that way, anymore.  I am too easily distracted with too fragmented of a mind to sit and write some kind of elegant, insightful piece.  Instead, I leave some bullets.

-Life going into a gentle lockdown as I prepare for internship on Monday.
-Wishing Neil Gaiman's voice followed me around and narrated my life.
-Slowly slowly working on organizing the upstairs loft.
-Very happy with new furniture and additional storage.
-Confused and mystified by the histories of people gone, of which we only have a few fragments of letters, postcards, and photographs.
-Wondering what kind of record I will leave for my children's children.  Surely no child of the future will want to look at archives of Livejournal entries or Facebook status updates?  Whatever happened to leaving behind tangible objects?  (This is what my original entry was about, or at least what it would've been about had I written it.)
-Whatever happened to the art in my life?
-Looking forward to Coraline.
-Reminding myself I need to make time to read for fun instead of wasting it all away repeatedly checking gmail and facebook when nothing can have possible happened in the past 15 minutes anyway.
-Hoping I win the lottery so that I can buy myself the Absolute Sandman, among other things.  I guess this would require playing in the first place.
-Where is Frederic Chopin when you need him?

P.S. Found Chopin.
P.P.S. Happy new year.